December 21, 2018

There’s this thing about having a place to tell your story. It’s a lovely place to tell all the warm fuzzy grateful, blah, blah, blah parts of a medical diagnosis. But here’s the thing. I committed to telling my story in its entirety. That means the good and the bad. Yesterday was one of those days that doesn’t seem real. As the doctor read and explained my breast cancer I would dip in and out of this space of “wtf is she talking about??” And then I would return and just be so grateful they found it early. That there are tremendous treatments and this is the best medical diagnosis I’ve ever had because they actually know what’s wrong with me this time. Thousands of women have gone before me and paved the way for my journey.

But then I woke up this morning. And all of a sudden it just wasn’t so pretty. It just pretty much sucked. I’m pissed off and frustrated. I’m done doing hard things. I don’t want to be a cancer patient or a cancer survivor. I don’t want another story to tell. I QUIT!!! I’m getting on a plane to the closest palm tree with a warm ocean and that’s where I’ll be……But it’s 1:30pm and I’m still nestled in my bed with my pjs on, cuz I proclaimed it National Stay In Your PJs Day, and I realized it takes way too much energy to be pissed off. So dang it, after today, I’ll guess I’ll just go with grateful. And my favorite color is pink so I’ve got that going for me. And hair is a pain in the ass anyway. Look how handsome Steve is!!! And God, better be planning on giving me the most beautiful shade of silver because when it grows back I think I deserve to not ever have to color my hair again! Can you imagine such a luxury?

So to be completely honest I felt I needed to explain all sides of what it’s like to be diagnosed. Tell you the entire story. I know I’ll kick this in the butt and persevere once again but it also sucks. I’ve been on the phone non-stop getting referrals, talking to doctors, insurance case managers, cancer survivors…my phone battery finally gave up and ran out. Or maybe God thought I needed to vent and have a nap. I would much rather be sipping a margarita under a palm tree.

Right now I’m scheduled for an MRI breast scan to make sure the cancer truly hasn’t spread. That is on the 26th. I meet with the Overlake oncologist on the 27th. I’m scheduling a second opinion with Valley Women’s Clinic. And finally meet with my incredible naturopathic team on the 26th to weigh all my options. Let me tell you, SageMED has some of the most amazing doctors I’ve ever encountered.

Also, if you need a book during a hard time…The Mouse Book is my recommendation! Jenny Lawson make me snortlaff as I read it.

is my recommendation! Jenny Lawson make me snortlaff as I read it.

#cancersucks #tellyourstory #lovewins