As you know, I was hired by RedfinNow almost two years ago. I’m one week shy of my second anniversary. I was interviewed by three amazingly talented men, Eric, Orlando and Chris. They took a chance on me. At the time I was working as a paraprofessional in a middle school that was in lock down during Covid. I was miserable and it was the first job I’ve ever had that I knew I just wasn’t very good at. 

RedfinNow saved me from that job and I gave the company my heart and soul in exchange. I helped launch the Seattle market a week after I started. My team consisted of 4 brand new Redfinians and we didn’t know how to work the systems but we knew how to get things done. The Seattle market quickly climbed to the top of the leader board where we stayed until the doors were shut on Wednesday, November 9, 2022. 

I purchased over 260 homes valued at over $160M. I got to work with the most incredibly brilliant team. My manager gave me a long long leash and I developed programs to increase efficiencies and decrease costs. I worked with leadership on pilots whenever I could, discovered my love for training and mentoring, developed a cultural ambassador team (aka Fun Committee) in order to create an environment of connection while working in a virtual world. I spoke up whenever possible and inserted myself into teams where I could make a difference. I was an inspirational speaker at the February company meeting with over 4000 co-workers. I shared my truth to inspire others. The list could go on and on. I loved my work and the people I worked with. I learned something new everyday and went on to get my certification in Project Management and 4 more real estate licenses across the nation. I’m currently getting certified as a System Administrator with ServiceNow. RedfinNow made that learning possible and I worked my ass off in exchange. 

On Wednesday, November 9th, Redfin closed the doors on RedfinNow. Slammed them shut and threw away the key. All that work that so many tirelessly gave is now gone. An incredible product that helped so many…gone. I’m an investor so I’ve watched my stock lose 95% of its value. I have lived through the market slow down since May. I knew that something had to happen. Layoffs had to come. But as I cleaned out my computer I was so saddened that all the programs we implemented were just going to be thrown out. Now they are completely obsolete. 

I’ve only been laid off one other time in my career. I consider myself very fortunate but that was a long time ago and I was so young. I don’t remember the wild thought swings of Layoff Mood Disorder (LMD). Ya’ll this is a real thing and everyday is a constant fluctuation of thoughts and moods. During the layoff, human resources and leadership delivering the news, warned us to take some time to process. I didn’t understand what they were talking about. I would simply start looking for a new job as soon as the meeting ended and move along. Today I’m starting to understand. 

So far here is my LMD pattern. I’m sure the days ahead will continue to surprise me. Being curious about what is going on in our heads is the path to healing and moving forward once again. Welcome to my inside voice.

Day 1: Gratefulness

• YOU ARE WHAT???? 
• Closing down our entire department? 
• Laying off 13%? 
• You don’t want me to stay on? But I worked so hard for you? 
• Didn’t you get all the emails I sent with my ideas? 
• I can fix this!!!! 
• Okay, I got this, no problem. I’m so very grateful for this incredible team. 
• I sent emails thanking those that took a chance on me. I watched my LinkedIn feed fill with those also laid off and my heart ached for them. Tears fell for my co-workers. 
• My heart swelled with gratitude for those that took a chance on me and let me accomplish so much in just 2 years. 
• I reached out for recommendations on LinkedIn, hoping that someone would make a comment. I was speechless as my co-workers wrote recommendations after recommendations. It was like attending my own funeral. I truly had no idea that I had an impact. I was just being me. Telling the truth. Calling BS and being my best self. I had kinda thought I was a royal pain in the ass. The one that couldn’t keep her mouth shut.
• And then I had a cocktail. Maybe a few and I celebrated the successes and the upcoming 3 months of severance vacation. Wow, to be so free.

Day 2: Anger

• I literally woke up flaming mad. Anger was pouring out of me. How dare they? I gave them my heart and soul. 
• I deleted all my Redfin apps. 
• Put my Redfin sweatshirt (that I designed and hand shipped to 30 teammates across the country) into the Goodwill bag. 
• I canceled my saved searches on the Redfin app so I wouldn’t get anymore Redfin emails and I did a search on Zillow just to make myself feel better. 
• I plotted my next job and how I would rise and show them. I got on job boards, strengthened my LinkedIn site and sent out resumes.
• I was badass and I’d show them what they gave up on.

Day 3: Broken heartedness

• I didn’t sleep. 
• I stared at the ceiling all night, absolutely frozen. 
• Tears fell silently on the pillow as I ran my household costs in my head and went into an absolute panic attack. 
• As soon as the sun rose, I sat with my coffee on the patio of my new home and sobbed. We just bought a second home. How will I make 2 mortgage payments without a job? I worked so so hard and now it’s all gone. The entire product is gone and nobody even needs the work I did. 
• Am I going to have to go work at Walmart as a greeter? Not that there’s anything wrong with that job. I would absolutely rock it. There is no job that I would consider beneath me. I would just rather wait tables than greet. There’s only been one job in my life that I simply couldn’t do. When I was 21 years old I was offered a job in a hospital as a transporter. Thinking this meant that I would roll happy new mamas to their cars in a wheelchair with their precious new little one, I thought “sure”. Then they explained it was working in the morgue moving body bags. I just knew that wasn’t my gift. Anyway, that was a squirrel moment but it seems important to tell you so that you understand that I just love working. Just about anywhere. 
• I went and got my RedfinNow sweatshirt out of the Goodwill bag and put it on. I sat and cried more. I’m just so heartbroken. I scrolled through LinkedIn looking at proud warrior RedfinNow co-workers who are all devastated. Our dreams and hard work shattered.
• I went back to bed and wrote these words in my head. Then I warriored up and sat at my computer to write this all down. I believe our best truth telling comes from putting down the raw truth while it’s happening. 

I wrote this article because I believe in telling my truth and maybe it will help someone else who’s also laying in bed staring at the ceiling unable to breathe. 

Since I haven’t made it to Day 4, I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. I will, however, keep you posted. I have overcome so much worse but it’s important to honor our grief and tell our truths. I absolutely know I will be just fine. The best is yet to come and I can now go on a hike in beautiful Arizona at 10am on a Tuesday. 

Silverlinings. 

Stay tuned.