I am not a resolution setter. Instead I pick one word that I want to manifest and infuse into the year. I usually have a long list of words that speak to me and I struggle to find just the perfect word that will push me out of my comfort zone but also allow me the safety of not feeling like a failure. 

Just after getting laid off I went on a solo hike in Glendale. It was challenging and I stood at the top of the hill, which felt like a mountain, and cried. The grief of losing my job was overwhelming. I’m 51 years old and I have to once again figure out what I want to be when I grow up. My job had given me more during the previous two years than I had realized. I had taken it for granted and now it was gone. I had found myself in a crazy professional corporate world and I had made a difference. I loved my job. Now it is gone. I was starting over once again. My LinkedIn profile should say:  Professional at Starting Over, Professional Pivoter, Professional Chaos Calmer. My word for 2022 was Consistency. This was not how manifesting consistency was supposed to look. 

Such is life. Picking your word is kind of like praying for patience. Not for the faint of heart. Over the years my words have been Freedom, Courage, Consistency, Passion, Creativity, Restore… At the end of the year I can look back at the pages of my life and see just how the word had guided me. I love that feeling.

As I stood at the top of my Arizona mountain my 2023 word came to me. Different than it ever had before. Just one word came and it was loud and clear.

Listen to my soul. My body. Listen to the rocks and the cactus standing tall and stoic next to me. Listen to those that I love. Listen to the strangers I meet during the day.  Really listen. Not just to their words but their body language. Their silence. Listen, free of judgment and listen with true compassion and empathy.

I’ve kept my word safely tucked in my heart. Marinating it until January 1, when I could unveil it with all its glory. It would release me, so I thought, to find my true meaning and point me in the right direction. It is now January 3 and I find myself more lost than before. I have applied for over 200 jobs since being let go on November 9. We all know that sending out blind resumes through Indeed and LinkedIn is not going to land you the job of your dreams. All I can hear is the constant rejection of “you were not selected to move forward”. 

The constant rejection has caused me to doubt everything I know about myself. I am losing my professional self that was writing pilots, building teams, encouraging others, negotiating and buying millions of dollars in residential homes. The person that pushed herself to pass 4 real estate exams in one year while also getting certified as a project manager. She is fading. 

Now I find myself applying for warehouse stocking jobs. Really anything that will help pay my mortgages and give me some sense of purpose. I need medical insurance.I need routine. Yet, as each day passes I find it harder and harder to get out of bed. I drown the failure self-talk by painting furniture and reading books about people that ditch everything and go live in the Virgin Islands. I look for jobs in Costa Rica and think I could live in a hut on the beach. 

This is the process of starting over. Of reinventing myself. Who knows where all of it will lead? I try to sit quietly and listen for the answers. Tomorrow is a new day. My writing is my solace. The salve on the wound of being dispensable and replaceable. The vulnerability of publishing my inner voice is so uncomfortable it makes me nauseous but something beautiful always comes from it in the end. That is the motivation for moving forward.

This year I encouraged our family to each have a word for 2023. I am the Inspiration Coach for the year. So I’ll pivot out of my self pity to help others and somewhere in that movement I will find my own meaning. I am sure of it.

Do you have a word for 2023? It’s not too late. Check out this great book on picking your word.