The agony of writer’s block is a real thing. Those that know me know that I’m usually not at a loss for words. I finally forced myself to post a Coming Soon social media post a month ago, announcing our revamped website and the beginning of what I had hoped to be a therapeutic writing strategy that would force me into writing on a consistent basis. I already was journaling nearly every day, a practice I’ve been committed to for nearly 2 decades.

I’m constantly fighting my compulsion for perfectionism. Embracing cliches like “Perfectly Imperfect” but perfectionism feels like it’s in my DNA. In order to counter it and push myself into uncomfortable areas and I posted the coming soon graphic knowing that my website is full of broken links and amatuer coding. I literally have no idea what I’m doing and spend more time watching educational YouTube’s, taking Coursera and LinkedIn classes, studying color theory and Google analytics. I’ve learned that learning can be a form of procrastination and I’ve clearly been using it to get out of writing. I just tell myself “after this last class, the website will be ready”. The truth is, it will never be ready.

Oi vey.

What comes so naturally to my first born brilliant computer savvy mancub is like learning to write left handed for me. While I’m not scared to try new things embracing this new technology is not my favorite thing. I long for the day that my brain switch flips and suddenly everything will make sense. Until then I will just keep trying to do my best.

Anyway, I thought that by posting the Coming Soon graphic it would motivate me to finish my build out of our new site. Instead, it did the exact opposite. It’s like I stepped into quicksand. I was instantly unable to motivate myself to utter a single word much less an entire blog post. I would sit down to write and my neurodivergent brain would take over and the next thing you know I was alphabetizing my bookshelf, organizing photos and painting furniture. I was terrified to open my site and look at all the things that were not perfect.

I’ve spent 6 weeks in this state. doubting my abilities and the value of my story. I’ve written letters to myself that there is no need to be publicly vulnerable and tell the world about my life. Who would ever want to read about it? But life keeps giving me awesome stories, hilarious moments and I find myself longing to tell you latest developments.

Today ends my terrified streak. I’m pushing through it. Ignoring the negative voices in my own head and I’m recommitting to this crazy idea of exploring the definition of home. How my longing for a place of belonging keeps my journey interesting. How the weirdest shit ever seems to happen to me and how I can find humor and silver linings in the most horrific situations. How my brain can break and lead me into dark and lonely places. How I struggle to find balance with work and life. How, at 52 years old, my body does the most fascinating things that I have zero control of. At the end of the day, I have realized my joy is embracing this crazy convoluted and ambiguous thing we call life. I somehow never end up on the flat straight path and instead take the windy and steep “Proceed with Caution” path because I know there will be a silver lining and a story.

I appreciate your patience as I get this new idea off the ground and hope you will follow the All Things Home adventure. If you find broken links on my perfectly imperfect website know that I’m working on it and simply doing my best. Constructive input is always welcome. Thank you for being on the journey with me. Buckle up because the one thing I can guarantee is that my life is a wild and wacky place.

Let’s do this. Cheers my friends. Thanks for following along.

Sending love and hugs. Ultimately Love Wins.